9 little Christians stayed up very late
1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8

8 little Christians on their way to Heaven
1 took the low road and then there were 7

7 little Christians chirping like chicks
1 disliked music, then there were 6

6 little Christians seemed very much alive
But one lost his interest then there was 5

5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore
But one stopped to rest, then there were 4

4 little Christians each busy as a bee
1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3

3 little Christians knew not what to do
1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2

2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done
Differed with each other, then there was 1

1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true
Brought his friend to bible study- - then there were 2

Earnest Christians, each won one more
That doubled the number, then there were 4

4 sincere Christians worked early and late
Each won another then there were 8

8 desirous Christians if they doubled as before
In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024

In this little jingle, there is a lesson true,
You belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!
--Author Unknown

Would you have to change your clothes before you let Him in?
Or hide some magazines, and put the Bible where they'd been?
Would you hide your worldly music and put some hymn books out?
Could you let Jesus walk right in, or would you rush about?

And I wonder.. if the Savior spent a day or two with you,
Would you go right on doing, the things you always do?
Would you go right on saying, the things you always say?
Would life for you continue as it does from day to day?

Would you take Jesus with you everywhere you go?
Or would you maybe change your plans for just a day or so?
Would you be glad to have Him meet your closest friends?
Or would you hope they'd stay away until His visit ends?

Would you be glad to have Him stay forever on and on?
Or would you sigh with great relief when He at last was gone?
It might be interesting to know, the things that you would do,
If Jesus came in person, to spend some time with you.
- Author Unknown

---

The Dieter's Psalm
My appetite is my shepherd, I always want.
  It maketh me sit down and stuff myself. 
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly, sometimes during the night. 
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper. 
It destroyeth my shape. 
Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating,
for the food tasteth so good.
  The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me.
  When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me. 
For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in.  
As I filleth my plate continuously.  My clothes runneth smaller.
  Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever. 

---

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes, which God gave me to hold.   He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black, and all your joys in the gold."   I heeded His words, and in the two boxes, both my joys and sorrows I store, but though the gold became heavier each day, the black was as light as before.   With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why, and I saw in the base of the box, a hole which my sorrows had fallen out by.   I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud, "I wonder where my sorrows could be."  He smiled a gentle smile at me.   "My child, they're all here with me."  I asked, "God, why give me the boxes, why the gold, and the black with the hole?"   "My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, the black is for you to let go."

---

God's Garden

Plant three rows of squash:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash criticism
3. Squash indifference
Plant seven rows of peas:
1. Prayer
2. Promptness
3. Perseverance
4. Politeness
5. Preparedness
6. Purity
7. Patience
Plant seven heads of lettuce:
1. Let us be unselfish and loyal
2. Let us be faithful to duty
3. Let us search the scriptures
4. Let us not be weary in well doing
5. Let us be obedient in all things
6. Let us be truthful
7. Let us love one another
No garden is complete without turnips:
1. Turn up for church
2. Turn up for meetings, in prayer, and Bible study
3. Turn up with a smile, even when things are difficult
4. Turn up with determination to do your best in God's service for Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18) And may you reap rich results.

Make sure your garden gets plenty of exposure to the SON!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

---

HYMNS - THE WAY WE'D SING THEM IF WE WERE HONEST

I Surrender, Some
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
Fill My Spoon, Lord
Oh, How I Like Jesus
He's Quite a Bit to Me
I Love to Talk About Telling the Story
Take My Life and Let Me Be
It Is My Secret What God Can Do
There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
Just As I Pretend to Be
When the Saints Go Sneaking In
Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
Self-Esteem to the World, The Lord Is Come
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Go Tell It on the Speed Bump
Special, Special, Special
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
Praise God From Whom All Affirmations Flow
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
I Lay My Inappropriate Behavior on Jesus
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
When Peace, Like a Trickle
I'm Fairly Certain that My Redeemer Lives
We Give Thee but Still Think We Own
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
Joyful, Joyful We Think Thee Pretty Good
Blessed Hunch
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
Blest Be the Tie that Doesn't Cramp My Style

---

Funny Isn't It?

Funny how $20 looks so big when we take it to church
and so small when we take it to the store.
Funny how big an hour serving GOD looks
and how small 60 minutes are when spent playing golf, fishing, or playing bridge.
Funny how laborious it is to read a chapter in the Bible
and how easy it is to read 2-300 pages of a best selling novel.
Funny how we believe what newspapers say
but question what the Bible says.
Funny how we can't think of anything to say when we pray
and don't have any difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend. 
Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks to fit a church event into our schedule,
but can adjust it for a social event at the last minute. 
Funny, isn't it?

---

Bulletin Insert

Do NOT ride in automobiles: they cause 20% of all fatal accidents. Do NOT stay home: 17% of all accidents do occur in the home. Do NOT walk on the streets or sidewalks: 14% of all accidents happen to pedestrians. Do NOT travel by air, rail, or water: 16% of all accidents happen on these. Only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are related to previous physical disorders. Hence, the safest place for you to be at any time is church. Bible study is safe, too. The percentage there is even less.
Go to church! IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!

---

What if God Had Voice Mail????
Imagine praying and hearing this:

*Thank you for calling My Father's house.
Please select one of the following four options:
* Press 1 for requests.
* Press 2 for thanksgiving.
* Press 3 for complaints.
* For all other inquiries, press 4.

*All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

* If you need to speak to God "in person" please call back between the hours of 9 and 5:00 yt. (your time). Monday through Friday. Thank you.

*All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*For Michael, press 2.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*For any other angel, press 3.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

* To hear the original options again press the # sign.

* To hear only the Gabriel options again, press 1 followed by the # sign.

* To hear only the Michael options again, press 2 followed by the # sign.

* To hear only the Angel options again, press 3 followed by the # sign.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*If you'd like King David to sing a psalm for you, press 6.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*To find out if your relative is here, enter his/her date of death and follow the options given.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*For reservations at My Father's House, simply press the letters J-O-H-N, followed by the number 3-1-16

Sorry.... *All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's ark is, wait until you get here! Sorry....

*All of the angels are busy helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line...Your call is VERY important to us and will be answered in the order it was received.

*For Quality Control your call may be monitored. Please enter your 9 digit ID number now.

*Thank you. Your call is now being processed.... please hold.

*Our computers show that you have called once today already. Please hang up immediately and try again tomorrow during regular business hours, Thank you. (tomorrow, )

*Re-dial:

*Sorry, but our office will be closed during the month of January for inventory. However... Your business is VERY important to us so please leave a message at the tone and we'll return your call.... "in the order it was received". Thank you.

Thank God, you can't call Him too often!!! You only need to ring once and God hears you. Because of Jesus, you never get a busy signal. God takes each call and knows each caller personally. When you call and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help and He will say: Here *I AM* !

For additional help He has provided many Emergency Numbers: When in sorrow, call John 14 When men fail you, call Psalm 27 If you want to be fruitful, call John 15 When you have sinned, call Psalm 51 When you worry, call Matthew 6:19-34. When you are in danger, call Psalm 91. When God seems far away, call Psalm 139. When your faith needs stirring, call Hebrews 11. When you are lonely and fearful, call Psalm 23. When you grow bitter and critical, call 1 Cor. 13. For Paul's secret to happiness, call Col. 3:12-17. For idea of Christianity, call 1 Cor. 5:15-19. When you feel down and out, call Romans 8:31-39. When you want peace and rest, call Matt. 11:25-30. When the world seems bigger than God, call Psalm 90. When you want Christian assurance, call Romans 8:1-30. When you leave homer labor or travel, call Psalm 121. When your prayers grow narrow or selfish, call Psalm 67. For a great invention/opportunity, call Isaiah 55. When you want courage for a task, call Joshua 1. How to get along with fellowmen, call Romans 12. When you think of investments/returns, call Mark 10. If you are depressed, call Psalm 27. If your pocketbook is empty, call Psalm 37. If your loosing confidence in people, call 1 Cor. 13. If people seem unkind, call John 15. If discouraged about your work, call Psalm 126. If you find the world growing small, and yourself great, call Psalm 19. If you're wondering how close you can get to God, call John 17. Emergency numbers may be dialed direct. No operator assistance is necessary... no long distance servers are needed.. in fact no telephone is even necessary!! All lines are open to Heaven 24 hours a day!